My Name is Athaiah Deshawn and this is my writing space

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06/23/2026 BROKEN TRUSTS

Back in March 2025, I joined a team that I truly valued.

Stepping into that space meant stepping outside of my comfort zone. I showed up to every event, every assignment, and every conference call. I made being present a priority. I wanted to be honorable in how I served and contributed.

For a while, things seemed fine.

But over time, something began to feel off.

What started as small observations slowly turned into questions I could not ignore. I wrestled with whether what I was sensing was fear, misunderstanding, discernment, or something else entirely.

Eventually, I shared my concerns.

That conversation changed everything.

I found myself questioned, misunderstood, mislabeled, and eventually removed from a space I once valued.

At the time, I only knew the ending.

Now, with distance, I’m beginning to revisit the story from the beginning.

This is not that story in full.

This is where it begins.

DORSHA: THE SEARCH FOR TRUTH | WHY I’M DECONSTRUCTING: PART 1

One of the reasons I began deconstructing what I was taught in church has to do with how spiritual leadership handled my experiences.

I was worshipping, and I experienced things that I understood to be spiritual. Instead of feeling that I could openly discuss those experiences, I found myself being accused of witchcraft, having my experiences characterized as demonic, and being treated as though something was wrong with me.

There was an incident during worship when a leader looked directly into my eyes and made a motion that I interpreted as an attempt to bind me spiritually. When I addressed it, she denied doing that to me.

But let me tell you about another incident.

The ministry posted a statement in its leaders’ chat affirming its belief in Scripture, the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues, and laying hands on the sick. I responded by sharing Scripture from 1 Corinthians concerning tongues in the assembly. I posted Scripture. I did not express disagreement with their beliefs.

Afterward, leadership questioned whether I disagreed with the statement because my response was different from what they expected. I explained that my praying-hands emoji was intended as a respectful acknowledgment and a prayer for unity and growth.

This was part of a larger experience in which I felt that my spiritual experiences were mishandled and that I was not given the freedom to question, explain, or be understood without suspicion.

Eventually, I was removed from the ministry team after I refused to denounce the name I believe God had given me.

Now, I’m not asking you to take my word as the final verdict. I’m introducing my experience because I believe leadership, spiritual authority, and accountability deserve examination, too.

If a ministry says it believes Scripture and receives correction, what should that look like when someone brings Scripture into a conversation?

That’s a question I’m investigating.

This is Dorsha: The Search for Truth.

And the search continues.